Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
