Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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