grandma shit on top of the toilet
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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