i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
