I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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