Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
