Will you blow on my dice?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
