It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
