I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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