Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
