Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
