Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
