I haven't been this sober since birth.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
