I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
