how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
