I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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