Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
