sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
