they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
