I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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the gays at disneyland are vicious
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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