my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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