..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
