I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
