They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
