It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
