Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
