Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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