The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
