So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
