Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
