I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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