You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
