Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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