apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
