He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
