I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
