I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
