I think i peed on brittanys purse
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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