if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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