You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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