I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
