I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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