Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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