Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
