omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
