If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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