Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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