the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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