I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
