i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.