i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.