its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.