You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.