ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.