she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
