im six kinds of drunk right now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
