why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
