It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
