the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"