Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My pussy is not your playground.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today