3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.