I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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