No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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