highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
