I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
