she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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