Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Church boner. Awkwardddd
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
