happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How does one acquire holy water?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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