I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
