I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
