I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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