You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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