So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
