Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
