she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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