I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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