a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
